I overdosed on weed yesterday

Let me start this story at the beginning rather than being edgy and starting it in media res.

Basically I went to my economics class yesterday. I sit next to this black kid named Tyrone Jamal. He's like as black as you can get, blacker than black.

Anyway, ten minutes go by, then thirty, then an hour, and Tyrone says to me "hey man wanna hit up a mad blunt @_@".
I've never done any drugs before, except maybe alcohol if you count that as a drug. I turned to him and said no.

"Nikka this shit is mad I got the best dope in town". I was tempted to because the cops (fuck the police) took away my fake ID so I couldn't get any booze. I finished writing something about aggregate demand in my notebook and said "sure, okay". He patted me on the back and told me to meet him in the parking lot after this class. He drives a '97 Volvo like mine, only with one of those big dumb Rice Rocket spoilers on the back.

Anyway, the class was over and I packed my things. Next thing I know I'm buying some weed from Tyrone Jamal in the parking lot for $30. He told me it was a week's worth. I said okay, and went home to light up.

Then the freaky stuff happened. I smoked the weed for about 15 minutes until the walls started rapidly moving in and out. Then my computer turned into a gigantic blue penis and started waving at me. I screamed in horror and grabbed my Blade Runner briefcase and threw it at the penis, but it just shattered (I think as I saw the mist of DVD fragments flying around I heard Harrison Ford saying HOW CAN IT NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS). The blue penises' head was my computer monitor, and on it I saw Mr. Cash snapping his camera tool in my face. I fainted.

Two hours later I woke up and Jamal was at my door. I opened it and he stuck a gun in my face, screaming something about how I was 5-0 because I didn't light up infront of him. I swung a kick at his crotch, and I could feel squishy cartilage exploding under my foot. He screamed and pulled the trigger, putting a hole in my grandfather's WW2 Colt which was hanging on the wall next to my CD of The Downward Spiral.

"You cracka fucking fuck!" I ran to the wall and grabbed the Colt. I would have taken Jamal's gun but he only had one bullet in it. I loaded the gun and aimed it at him. "Get the fuck outta my house you black fuck" I screamed. Jamal raised his empty pistol and pulled the trigger, next thing I know I'm in this black void of nothingness.

I walk around a bit, searching for an exit. Then it felt like someone zapped me with a cattle prod and I was suddenly paralyzed on the floor of my kitchen. Jamal was standing over me, his pants off and his big black cock waving in my face. "This'll teach you to be five-oh" he snarled. The big black pole got closer and closer to my face when suddenly the theme from "Hawaii 5-0" started playing. Jamal's head exploded and bits of skull and brain matter sprayed on my nice stainless steel refrigerator.

I stood up and looked at the mess. I grabbed Jamal's feet and dragged him into the garage. A good buddy of mine from school worked part time as a body disposal guy and he told me if I ever needed to dispose of a body I should drop it in his mother's recycling bin.

I was about halfway to his house when I heard a thumping from the trunk. "The fuck is that" I said, and pulled over to the side of the road. I opened the trunk, and Jamal wasn't there. Instead it was his black mother, Tyreesa. A knife appeared in my hand so I started stabbing her to death, and then a gun appeared in my other hand so I shot her a few times. Then I shut the trunk and continued on my way.

I got in the car and turned the ignition on. Then flames shot out of my AC vents and the car exploded.

"I will fuck the shit out of you fuckhead" screamed someone, or something. To my horror, Spike's rapist uncle appeared at the top of the stairs. I was tied to a chair and my mouth duct-taped. "Gonna fuck this up, yeah, uh-huh". He pulled out a pair of wirecutters and snipped my testicles off. Then he put them in a plastic bag and shoved them down the front of his pants. He let out some disgusting orgasmic moaning sound. Then he pulled out a pair of pliers and clamped them firmly on my ear. "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" he said, and pulled as hard as he could. My ear was torn off in a spray of blood, and he also put it in a plastic baggy down the front of his pants.

Now, the really shocking part. He turns around and pulled his pants down. Attached to his ass was some kind of motor that would automatically penetrate him with a Sharpie pen. A button appeared in my hand. "PUSH IT PUSH IT PUSH IT PUSH IT PUSH IT PUSH IT PUSH IT" he screamed. I was about to when this really pale looking guy put a knife in my other hand. I cut myself loose while he waited for his anal penetration.

"WHAT'S TAKING SO GAWD DAYUM FUCKIGN LONG" he yelled. I took the knife and rammed it up his ass and it tore all the way through and came out through his groin. "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" he moaned (perhaps this was both pleasurable and painful for him at the same time). Then the mystery man gave me a pistol and I shot him in the back of the head, hair flying everywhere.

I turned to the mystery man and said "thanks". He gave me a WW2 Colt, just like the one my grandfather used. He then pointed to the windowsill, which was covered in bullets. I loaded it and shot myself in the face.

Then I woke up and posted about it on [BB]